A good friend and mentor of mine, once said that human beings are fairly resilient emotional creatures. We are constantly getting our “hearts” broken, constantly submitting ourselves to change, constantly seeing our loved ones go, in one way or another. Somehow, most of us get through it, and we find fulfilling ways to carry on. This is normal. But what happens when we feel broken for too long? When things seem like they can’t be fulfilling any longer, and that our loss (whatever the nature), seems to overcast the whole world?
I used to think, perhaps not outspokenly, that brokeness is controllable. And once we’ve cycled through the stages of our problems, we can return, shortly, in good repair to a normal life. I thought, maybe because I didn’t understand, that long term sadness was a major defect, and that people who couldn’t get out of their rut, simply wanted to be there. I didn’t even really get the idea of depression, although a clinical condition did make it more “acceptable” to me.
I suppose the years have show me, however, that sometimes, it just sucks for awhile. And that’s OK. The expression that you don’t know what you have until it’s gone, rings with a certain reality. Sometimes, we invest a part of ourselves, unconsciously into someone, something, or even an idea, and when we lose it, we lose our way. For a time, I definitely invested myself too heavily in volunteering work, so that when I didn’t have as much to do, I found myself lacking in identity.
But what to do when we’ve lost that thing? I’m learning, and I suppose sharing the concept, of taking time. Whatever you really need, I suppose. There’s probably such a thing as too much time, but I think that’s a lot longer than I had originally thought, and probably longer than most of us think.
My aim in this short confession is this: I’m telling myself, and telling those of you out there that it’s OK. It’s OK if you’re not doing alright, and it’s OK if you’re still dealing. I’m no expert, but I’m human, and sometimes, it’s not easy. Sometimes the bolts are rusty and take a lot more time and effort to undo. So take the time, don’t rush yourself. Rather, take the time to find yourself. Find the best things about you and remember them.
Hold your own,
Know your name,
Go your own way,
Everything will be fine.
-“Details In The Fabric” by Jason Mraz